God helps those who help themselves, right?
I'm done waiting for opportunities and now I'm creating them. Surely this can't just be coincidence, but God's perfect timing.
I really hope this works out. The subject has come up too many times for it not to be the right moment.
Here's hoping...and praying.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
A Single Girl's Dilemma
I spent my last semester in school studying film in Los Angeles. I experienced many wonderful things while I was there, but one moment in particular will forever stand out in my mind.
The moment I met him.
His name is Ethan and he's the most beautiful man I've ever seen. The grandson of a very famous Hollywood legend, Ethan was everything like his grandfather: tall, dark and handsome in the best of ways. Brooding eyes, quiet, mysterious. Getting up the nerve to talk to him was the scariest and most daring of things I've ever done. When I did finally approach him, he turned out to be the nicest man I've ever met. He was everything a gentleman should be, kind and good mannered. I felt completely out of control when I was talking to him, like I was going everywhere at once, but the moment he took my hand, I came back down to earth and felt what could only be described as this overwhelming sense of safety. Nothing in the world could harm me.
Star struck or love struck, I can't decide, but what I felt when I was with him for the briefest of moments was something I had never felt before or since. And naturally, I can no longer expect anything less when I fall in love.
Fast forward six months.
I'm now back in my hometown, working so I can save enough money to move back to L.A.
Since then, I have gone out to dinner with two very different guys. We'll call them Luke and Sam.
Luke is my ex-boyfriend from high school and still very much one pushy son of a bitch. He doesn't understand boundaries and he has the mentality that he can take whatever he wants.
Basically he's sort of an asshole.
Trying to make friends now that I'm home indefinitely, I reached out and reconnected with Luke.
BIG. MISTAKE.
I have absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever. You know what he does the second time we hang out? He tries to kiss me. I have been working hard to drop every single hint imaginable that I'm not interested and he still tries to get physical.
He's either stupid or he just doesn't care. Pushing him away, I tell him, "I don't kiss my FRIENDS."
He got the hint. I haven't heard much from him since and to be completely honest, I really don't care. He's not someone I need in my life.
Then there's Sam.
One of my co-workers and quickly becoming a friend, Sam and I have gone to dinner a couple of times. I have a great time when I'm with him and I love his company, but unfortunately, that's all I love.
So imagine my absolute dread when I meet him for dinner and he's there...with flowers.
Fuck.
How do you tell such a sweet guy, who obviously likes you, that you just want to be friends?
How do you keep from humiliating him and damaging the friendship? That's just it. You don't.
So now I'm stuck, with very pretty flowers, trying to figure out the best way to let him down easy. Of all the guys who have ever liked me, he's the one I deeply wish I could like in return.
Unfortunately, it's just not there. Some people would say I should give him a chance anyway. Feelings could develop later. One problem: I'm not wired that way. Feelings have never developed for me. They're either there from the beginning or they aren't.
So here I am with Luke and Sam, both wishing for my romantic interest and all I'm wishing for is Ethan.
What's a girl to do?
The moment I met him.
His name is Ethan and he's the most beautiful man I've ever seen. The grandson of a very famous Hollywood legend, Ethan was everything like his grandfather: tall, dark and handsome in the best of ways. Brooding eyes, quiet, mysterious. Getting up the nerve to talk to him was the scariest and most daring of things I've ever done. When I did finally approach him, he turned out to be the nicest man I've ever met. He was everything a gentleman should be, kind and good mannered. I felt completely out of control when I was talking to him, like I was going everywhere at once, but the moment he took my hand, I came back down to earth and felt what could only be described as this overwhelming sense of safety. Nothing in the world could harm me.
Star struck or love struck, I can't decide, but what I felt when I was with him for the briefest of moments was something I had never felt before or since. And naturally, I can no longer expect anything less when I fall in love.
Fast forward six months.
I'm now back in my hometown, working so I can save enough money to move back to L.A.
Since then, I have gone out to dinner with two very different guys. We'll call them Luke and Sam.
Luke is my ex-boyfriend from high school and still very much one pushy son of a bitch. He doesn't understand boundaries and he has the mentality that he can take whatever he wants.
Basically he's sort of an asshole.
Trying to make friends now that I'm home indefinitely, I reached out and reconnected with Luke.
BIG. MISTAKE.
I have absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever. You know what he does the second time we hang out? He tries to kiss me. I have been working hard to drop every single hint imaginable that I'm not interested and he still tries to get physical.
He's either stupid or he just doesn't care. Pushing him away, I tell him, "I don't kiss my FRIENDS."
He got the hint. I haven't heard much from him since and to be completely honest, I really don't care. He's not someone I need in my life.
Then there's Sam.
One of my co-workers and quickly becoming a friend, Sam and I have gone to dinner a couple of times. I have a great time when I'm with him and I love his company, but unfortunately, that's all I love.
So imagine my absolute dread when I meet him for dinner and he's there...with flowers.
Fuck.
How do you tell such a sweet guy, who obviously likes you, that you just want to be friends?
How do you keep from humiliating him and damaging the friendship? That's just it. You don't.
So now I'm stuck, with very pretty flowers, trying to figure out the best way to let him down easy. Of all the guys who have ever liked me, he's the one I deeply wish I could like in return.
Unfortunately, it's just not there. Some people would say I should give him a chance anyway. Feelings could develop later. One problem: I'm not wired that way. Feelings have never developed for me. They're either there from the beginning or they aren't.
So here I am with Luke and Sam, both wishing for my romantic interest and all I'm wishing for is Ethan.
What's a girl to do?
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