So Far So Good

Today was my interview. Everything went smoothly and I was able to get a feel for the office, while my potential employer asked me what she needed to know.

She asked me to come in again on Wednesday to learn more about the company and have any questions I may have answered. Being asked to come in for a second interview is a good sign so hopefully everything will go well.

I still don't know if I'm going to take the job if it's offered. It depends on whether or not it's a good fit for me. I guess I'll find out soon enough!

XO

Interview Jitters

So...

Tomorrow I will be interviewing for a job that could launch my career. While it's not exactly writing romance novels and living in a country cottage, or even directing films, it could give me more life experience, help me save money, allow me to explore more opportunities and discover a passion I may or may not have. That said, I'm pretty excited.

At the very least, I'll be able to leave my restaurant job and start making enough to support the passions I do have such as writing, traveling, clothes shopping, &c.

Here's to hoping and praying that I get it. And if I don't...no worries. It just means God has something even better in mind.

Besides, first jobs usually aren't very glamorous.

XO

A Change in Direction

My ambitions, for quite some time now, have been focused towards building a career in the film industry. Studying public relations and telecommunications in college, it was what I had always planned on for a career.

But lately I've been dreaming of something else. Something much deeper. I've been dreaming dreams from the heart.

When I close my eyes and picture the life I would be happiest living, I am not a producer or a director or even a lowly production assistant. I'm a writer.

Not some literary genius or academic, not some journalist or even a screenwriter. No.

I'm a romance writer. A storyteller who weaves together tales of the heart.

I picture myself, sitting in front of the computer screen and bringing to life all the characters running around in my imagination. I am married to the kind of man I write about--kind, strong, honest, loving, and drop-dead gorgeous. I have children running around somewhere in the background of that daydream and there's always something that smells delicious baking in the oven. Did I mention I live in Great Britain? England, Ireland, Scotland or even Wales. It doesn't matter to me. All I know is that I'm surrounded by beauty and romance and magic. And most of all, I'm surrounded by love.

That image is where I go when I need to reach my happy place. That is the dream of my heart.

Hollywood doesn't even have a cameo.

That said, I am attempting to do something until now I've been terrified to do. I'm going to try to write a book. If nothing ever comes of it, fine. But it won't be because I never tried.

In the meantime, I'm going to focus on finding a job in public relations. A day job, if you will.

I had my time in Hollywood. I tried working in the industry. And while I enjoyed it immensely, even in the midst of it all, my heart still dreamed of that quiet cottage on a hill, somewhere in the old country. Surrounded by family and friends and lots of love.

Should a job in the industry come my way, I wouldn't turn it down. But it is no longer my first priority.

Writing and dreaming and following my heart are now at the top of the list.

Are you kidding?

Sooooo....

The only boy I've been attracted to since coming home from L.A. was the high schooler I waited on last night.

Skeevy, yes, but is it really my fault? He looked exactly like Adrian Grenier!

It was as if he saw Drive Me Crazy and The Breakfast Club as a child and decided to mesh both Adrian and Judd Nelson together.

The only thing he was lacking was the bandanna around his ankle! Excuse me, but where the hell was this guy when I was in high school?!

Oh right...8th grade.

Fabulous Future Careers

God helps those who help themselves, right?

I'm done waiting for opportunities and now I'm creating them. Surely this can't just be coincidence, but God's perfect timing.

I really hope this works out. The subject has come up too many times for it not to be the right moment.

Here's hoping...and praying.

A Single Girl's Dilemma

I spent my last semester in school studying film in Los Angeles. I experienced many wonderful things while I was there, but one moment in particular will forever stand out in my mind.

The moment I met him.

His name is Ethan and he's the most beautiful man I've ever seen. The grandson of a very famous Hollywood legend, Ethan was everything like his grandfather: tall, dark and handsome in the best of ways. Brooding eyes, quiet, mysterious. Getting up the nerve to talk to him was the scariest and most daring of things I've ever done. When I did finally approach him, he turned out to be the nicest man I've ever met. He was everything a gentleman should be, kind and good mannered. I felt completely out of control when I was talking to him, like I was going everywhere at once, but the moment he took my hand, I came back down to earth and felt what could only be described as this overwhelming sense of safety. Nothing in the world could harm me.

Star struck or love struck, I can't decide, but what I felt when I was with him for the briefest of moments was something I had never felt before or since. And naturally, I can no longer expect anything less when I fall in love.

Fast forward six months.

I'm now back in my hometown, working so I can save enough money to move back to L.A.

Since then, I have gone out to dinner with two very different guys. We'll call them Luke and Sam.

Luke is my ex-boyfriend from high school and still very much one pushy son of a bitch. He doesn't understand boundaries and he has the mentality that he can take whatever he wants.

Basically he's sort of an asshole.

Trying to make friends now that I'm home indefinitely, I reached out and reconnected with Luke.

BIG. MISTAKE.

I have absolutely no romantic interest in him whatsoever. You know what he does the second time we hang out? He tries to kiss me. I have been working hard to drop every single hint imaginable that I'm not interested and he still tries to get physical.

He's either stupid or he just doesn't care. Pushing him away, I tell him, "I don't kiss my FRIENDS."

He got the hint. I haven't heard much from him since and to be completely honest, I really don't care. He's not someone I need in my life.

Then there's Sam.

One of my co-workers and quickly becoming a friend, Sam and I have gone to dinner a couple of times. I have a great time when I'm with him and I love his company, but unfortunately, that's all I love.

So imagine my absolute dread when I meet him for dinner and he's there...with flowers.

Fuck.

How do you tell such a sweet guy, who obviously likes you, that you just want to be friends?

How do you keep from humiliating him and damaging the friendship? That's just it. You don't.

So now I'm stuck, with very pretty flowers, trying to figure out the best way to let him down easy. Of all the guys who have ever liked me, he's the one I deeply wish I could like in return.

Unfortunately, it's just not there. Some people would say I should give him a chance anyway. Feelings could develop later. One problem: I'm not wired that way. Feelings have never developed for me. They're either there from the beginning or they aren't.

So here I am with Luke and Sam, both wishing for my romantic interest and all I'm wishing for is Ethan.

What's a girl to do?