This is it

One thing I've learned about myself this past year: I am FEARLESS. That doesn't mean I don't get scared. Quite the opposite. Instead I choose to look fear in the face and go after what I want.

I risk. I get hurt. But I know that in the end when I look back on my life I will never regret.

I finally got the courage to tell him how I feel, to ask if we have a chance. As I write this, he's still sleeping and all I want to do is be there for him to kiss him on the cheek and pull the covers up over him. To be exactly what he needs me to be.

But I can't do that at the expense of my own heart. I want him to be happy. I want to spend the rest of my life listening to him laugh. But if that's something he's not willing to give me I need to bow out now.

So at the risk of losing the only boy I've ever loved I told him what I want. I asked him what we were. And I'm terrified. I know I'm facing my first broken heart and I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else.

I know we fall in and out of love everyday, but for me, when I look at him, I can't help but think he's the one for me. But that doesn't mean he'll ever feel the same.

I guess I'll find out when and if he chooses to respond to my question. I'm barely holding it together, I'm so scared. But if he can't give me what I deserve then I need to move on, pick up the pieces of my heart, and find someone who will.

And no matter what happens, God will carry me through it.